1. NOT ENOUGH SOURCES!!!! This is inexcusable and will result in a full-letter grade drop going forward.
2. TRANSITIONS. Getting better but still too many back-to-back quotes and changes in tone or subject without bringing your audience along for the ride.
3. AP STYLE!!!
4. SPECIFIC DETAILS!! Need more of them and less use of words and phrases like “a lot.”
5. TOO MUCH OPINION!! More specific detailed observations will help you eliminate this.
6. NO SUMMARY!!! Do not try to wrap a bow around your story at the end. When you do, it is almost always opinion. Many times, stories just end.